Motherhood has defined me and has bridged my adolescence and adulthood. I was a child, then suddenly, I am an at-home mother. I am what some might call a professional in my field. Only a title, indeed, but don’t we all live our lives in such ways, defined by and acting upon such titles? Some could say, “I’ve been 12-years a banker, a lawyer, a teacher, a landscaper.” For me, struggling and relishing, crying and laughing, hoping and the lack of it are all aspects of my existence in motherhood.
Point taken? Good. Now let’s dig deeper.
I became a mother at the confusing and tender age of 20 and before that, a wife so young, at 18. Before that I was an athlete. a musician, a smiles-a-lot bubbly friend. I was a poet and a writer. I was a roller-skater-without-abandon. I dabbled in art and creativity in many forms. I was a bird singing happy songs and flying free. This is not to say that motherhood turned me into an inactive, joyless lump with no friends, but I’ve been busy…quite occupied on all levels but my own. I miss me. I want to know who I am again outside of my motherhood.
Trying to define oneself in the process of change is difficult. Past labels, although distant memories, bring some comfort in their remembrance. What am I now? Who was I really then? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? These are the questions that my life is begging me to answer right now. I’m at a crossroads. I’m transitioning as is the natural course, appreciating where I have been and hopeful that in being genuine to myself, I progress.
My hope and yearningly ultimate dream is to find community in writing and singing. To uncover my passions by honoring my journey. To live my life filled with so much passion that I wake up each day excited to accomplish whatever task I have at hand.
I am quite sure that most people innately desire a true connection with themselves and their passions. We are all living this life, but are most of us alive with our passions? I am determined to find my own again and pay attention to where these reflections take me.